Sunday, 27 November 2011

The Conversation.

A while back I wrote a post about J.J Abrams' tribute to Steven Spielberg, Super 8. After watching the film and reading my post, here is how my dear friend Simon Overton imagine the conversation between J.J and Steven went:  



 
[Phone Rings]
Uh, uh, hello?
Hi JJ, this is Steven here, Steven Spielberg.
Oh, uh, wow, hi Mr Spielberg, I...
Listen, JJ, just before we get into all that, I just want to check, you are jewish, aren't you?
Uh, uh, yes, I am, I mean...
Good, OK, let's see. So, I watched your film, Cloverfield. It's a pretty rough cut, huh?
Uh, well, actually, I think the edit's pretty much locked. You see...
JJ, my son, my son, a film is never finished, only abandoned. Now, now, I've seen the rough cut and I have a few suggestions.
OK, but I really think, uh...
OK, here we go. First of all, it's about four twenty-something-year-olds. They're almost in their thirties in fact! What if, instead of four adults, you made it about four... kids! Or five, that would be even better, especially if one of them was a fat kid.
Oh, well, you see, uh...
OK, and how about, instead of the main character sleeping with his best friend of so many years and going off to Japan, how about he's a little boy who has a difficult relationship with his father! Now there's cinematic gold for you!
Well, uh, I'm not sure...
Oh, come on now! It's worked for me in almost every movie I've made!
Well...
Alright then. Now, instead of New York, why not set it somewhere nice and suburban?
But...
And instead of running about the place, maybe they could get around on bikes.
Yeah, but...
And that ending? It's too miserable. You really need to have a blossoming romance between the two leads (not consummated, of course), and everybody getting on with their fathers again. Hey, there's an idea! Why not have *both* the main character *and* the love interest have difficult relationships with their fathers! It's like, I dunno, two Indiana Joneses!
But listen...
And the monster. Oh the monster. I'm really not sure. Monsters? Hmmm. What if it were an alien from outer space? Not something terrestrial. And those black eyes have got to go. Let's have nice, friendly eyes... and maybe some kind of moment that involves breathing or sneezing... something nasal, you know?
Well, I really think...
And, instead of it killing everyone without any apparent moral sense, why not - and I'm just brainstorming here - why not make him a kind, good-natured kind of alien that just wants to get home.
Home? But...
Yeah, he can take off in a big spaceship with everybody gathered around. There can be lights, and characters watching while they hold hands with their until-recently-estranged fathers, and a nice rising orchestral score...
By John Williams?
What? No! Don't be silly! You can't have my John... Something *like* John Williams, but not *actually* John Williams. So, JJ, what do you think?
Well, they're neat ideas Mr Spielberg, but, uh, what you're talking about is a completely different movie.
Ah! Now you're talking. A completely different movie! I tell you what, I'll produce it for you. You'll barely notice I'm involved, just like Gremlins or Back to the Future.
Well... gosh, that really would be swell. You know, I always wanted to make a film about Super 8 film.
Super 8, eh? Well, it's a good jumping off point. You probably won't need that idea after the first act, you know, once you've got into the father figures and the aliens and things. OK then, I'll be in touch. Bye!
Errr... OK, bye.

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